hahaha I love Demetri Martin SO MUCH.

Such genius and original comedy.

(via lodeman-deactivated20131217)

parasailin-sarahpalin:

using tumblr while someone is behind you is like russian roulette you don’t know whether the next post could be a cat or some japanese girl being shat on by an octopus 

hahahahahaha SERIOUSLY jesus effing christ.

I just avoid this situation entirely by making sure people are never behind me hahaha because you just never know what weird shit might be on your dash hahaha…it is not worth trying to explain to people, not worth it hahaha 

(via tehgreatdanton-deactivated20130)

I was watching Mitt Romney speak on TV while I was waiting at the doctors office

atheistme:

And he said “If you are looking for a president who will further african-american rights, I am that man”

Yes, Mitt. People are going to vote the first ever black president out of office in pursuit of african-american rights. That makes tons of sense.

Sometimes I wonder if that man hears himself when he says stuff. 

hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Seriously, jesus christ.

Kind of random but this made me think of the SNL skit “How’s He Doing?”

It is so good and so funny.

"…But some disappointing news as his approval with black voters is down all the way to 99.2%."

http://www.hulu.com/watch/331280/

If any of you all haven’t seen this skit, you must watch it. WATCH IT. So good. hahahaha.

But for this, I just don’t think I have anything really to say or add about this because you said it so perfectly. Thanks for sharing this!

I even called my mom just to tell her about this, and she said that he had said this to the NAACP. WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM?!?!? He was booed at after he said this during his speech hahaha… so it do not go over too well.

During his speech to the NAACP, he was booed many times, including when he said  ”I am going to eliminate every non-essential expensive program I can find. That includes Obamacare.” The crowd booed a lot after that statement. hahaha

Check out this CBS News clip of him being booed at during that speech to the NAACP:

http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=7414528n

(Source: atheist-me)

You guyzzz….hahaha

I showed my mom that horrible embarrassingly bad scene (well, one of many bad scenes in that movie) of Spider-Man 3 that everyone has been making fun of all week where he was like was acting like a total douche walking down the sidewalk and it is just sooooooo embarrassing and painful to watch, but she didn’t/couldn’t remember what scene I was talking about….hahahahahaha

She just kept saying “No.No.No. WTF. That can’t be real. That can’t be real.”

I could not stop laughing.

Here is a link to the scene I’m talking about:

http://youtu.be/u2k6KGaUv0E

Just why?!?!….I’m seriously thinking I might have to submit myself to watching that movie again, just so I can figure out how exactly that scene even went with that movie again hahahaha…I think I suppressed my memories of it. hahaha

thedailywhat:

This Is Funny, You Should Watch It of the Day: Even the Canadian police spokesman can’t keep a straight face re: the BBQ Chip Bandits:

It appears that the effervescent chip package in the open garage just appeared too yummy to pass up for two intoxicated young ladies. … Apparently the chips had been accessed, and there had been some illicit chip tastings.

These are first-time chip offenders.

[tastefullyoffensive]

I cannot stop laughing. hahahahahahahaha

The words that officer used had me in tears I was laughing so much.

Everyone watch this. 

(Source: thedailywhat)

"I do all my hiking free-form."

— Youth in Revolt

yay. Blades of Glory just started on Comedy Central.

THIS.

…words cannot explain the greatness of this

(via p0lynomial)

paulscheer:

MERMAIDS, DEBIT CARDS and HISTORICAL TWEETS - Me on Attack of the Show

hahahaha guaranteed to see comic sans hahaha

hahahaha guaranteed to see comic sans hahaha

(Source: christiantheatheist)

hahahaha god i love them

(Source: Spotify)

"My friend said to me, “I think the weather’s trippy.” I said, “No, man, it’s not the weather that’s trippy, perhaps it is the way that we perceive it that is indeed trippy.” Then I thought, “Man, I should’ve just said, ‘Yeah.’”"

Mitch Hedberg (via antarcticsushi)

O MY DEAR GOD. I have had way too many conversations where I have literally done the same exact thing. Ask any of my friends, and they will tell you that.

My friend says something, then I say something super philosophical, scientific, or just horribly technical and long in response, and then I will say (or think to myself) “Man, I should’ve just said, ‘Yeah.’” 

Seriously haha I’m so showing this to my friends, they will love this.… hahahahaha geez this is my every day

……..“Man, I should’ve just said, ‘Yeah.’”

"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I’ll never be as good as a wall."

— Mitch Hedberg (via philosophicalpoetry)

(via philosophicalpoetry-deactivated)

I’m very seriously considering taking up swearing like a sailor.

No matter what, Merde will always be my favorite. Mais peut-être, “merde” n’est que mon mot préféré parce qu’il est en français, et la majorité des personnes dans les Etats-Unis, parlent l’anglais, pas français… Je ne sais pas, et ça ne fait rien…haha